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5 responses
Good=you used an onomatopoeia Like=we like where you put one dark and gloomy night Target=To make it sound more realistic WELL DONE YOU DID VERY WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To Turkey, We enjoyed your description, good alliteration, but you got a bit of punctuation wrong... From Labrador and Camen
I love when you said it was a giant wait no it was iron man it adds tension. Your onomatopoeias were good so I know how he fell. By your good writing I could imagine it standing right next to me because of the great description. You could work on punctuation but other than that small error it was amazing. Flamingos are pink Cobras are not.
I love the intensity of your paragraph *made it intense *good adjectives T simile's
To turkey liked your story and onomatopoeia and adjectives but it was really short it was like once upon a time a fish swam the end maybe more writing next time